


Everything Is Not Okay

by tears_of_the_sun



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Aftermath of Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Sexual Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23647726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tears_of_the_sun/pseuds/tears_of_the_sun
Summary: Evan "Buck" Buckley is harmed, and the team tries to figure out what happened.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I tried to make this descriptive, and I tried to incorporate a lot of the characters. This is my first pic, so go easy and enjoy!

Buck walked into the station a shell of the man he used to be. He had just come back from a mini vacation he took to get away and focus on him. He went up in another hot air balloon, went hiking with his sister, and took about a week to just relax. 

Buck walked into the locker room, dropped his bag and sat down starting to take his sneakers off. Chim walked in and gave buck a warm smile, “Hey Buck, how was vacation?” Buck glanced over at Chim, and just shrugged. He couldn’t bring it in himself to talk, or even make eye contact. Chim immediately grew more concerned for his friend and sat down next to him, “Buck, are you okay?” Once again, Buck just shrugged and didn’t talk. Buck got up and started to pull on his uniform. When Buck pulled off his shirt, Chim could see a big lash down Bucks back, from a belt or rope or chain. Chim frowned and got up. “Buck, can I take a look at your back?” Chim offered another warm smile to try to put the boy at ease. Buck immediately jumped back away from Chimney and pulled on his shirt and pants. He then grabbed the uniform boots and pulled those on as well. He raced out of the locker room door and up the stairs. 

“Buck!” Chim called putting chasing after him. “Buck what happened?!” Chim pleaded, a lot of worry in his voice. He was getting progressively louder as they neared the stairs, “Buck!” Chim yelled, “Please, slow down!” The pair were now walking quickly up the stairs and towards the kitchen. “Buck, talk to me, please?!” Chimney pleaded, everyone else now hearing. Hen, Bobby, Athena and Eddie glanced from Chimney to Buck and back to Chim again. “What happened?” Eddie asked getting concerned, and reaching out to stop Buck. Buck dodged Eddie, and whimpered faintly under his breath. He kept walking towards the bunk room. “Chim I’m sure what ever it is, it’ll be okay” Bobby said trying to calm Chim down. “You know he doesn’t talk that much.” 

Buck was now out of earshot, and Chim went to the island where everyone was standing. “Buck just stopped talking. He wouldn’t even look at me. And when he got up to change, he had a massive what would appear to be whip wound on his back. And when I offered to look at it he jumped out of his skin and ran up here.” Chim told the rest of the guys what had happened and he glanced towards the door that Buck had vanished behind. The group exchanged glances. “What happened to buck...?” Hen asked softly, unsure of what to do. Bobby looked down, then to Athena with worry written all over his face, he had been wrong. Everything was not okay. Someone hurt Buck, someone hurt the kid he cared so so much for. “Chim, how old would you say the whip wound was?” Bobby asked softly. “I’d say maybe about a day or two?” Chim replied. Something sank in Bobby’s heart. Buck had been hurt, and didn’t think he could reach out. That broke Bobby’s heart. 

Hen had gone silent, her own thoughts racing in her mind, running every scenario, if Buck wouldn’t talk to Chim maybe he would talk to Bobby? Eddie? Athena? She didn’t think he would want to talk to her. Maybe he would. She figured she would at least try. The group started talking about all of the possibilities that could have happened, mainly it was Bobby running every worst possible case past Athena and her telling him how likely it was, though she was lying a good bit to try to calm him down. Chim and Eddie were listening, but not sure of what to do. Hen backed up from the conversation and walked to the door Buck was hiding behind. “Buck?” She asked softly “Buckaroo, can I come in?” She asked resting her hand on the doorknob and slowly turning it. Locked. “Buck, I know you’re in there. And I know you must be scared. Buck, let me help you. It’ll be okay. Just let me in” Hen pleaded with the door that remained shut and locked. She rested her head on the door and kept going, starting to tear up “Buck, you don’t have to talk to me. I’ll do all the talking, okay? We’re just concerned. I know you must be scared right now. Something bad happened. Something really bad happened. You don’t have to tell us what, just let us help you. That’s what we’re all here to do.” Hen pleaded with Buck. 

Bobby had left the group. He went to his office and told dispatch that the 118 was to remain off the call books for a little and told them they had a guy down and needed time. He gave the vague explanation, but one that would ensure no backup came, and no calls would be sent to them. Bobby went back to the group and gave Athena a soft kiss on the cheek. “I’m worried about him” he whispered softly in her ear. Athena pulled Bobby into a big hug, “I know. I know you are” she whispered back and handed him a cup of coffee. Bobby looked up as Hen walked back over to them and shook her head. “Nothing, he won’t unlock the door. At least not for me”. 

Eddie had been fairly quiet this entire time. Part of him was shattered for Buck. The other part of him wanted to find out whatever it was that happened and kill the guy responsible. Eddie walked out of the kitchen and raced down the stairs. He called Maddie and waited while the phone rang. “Maddie, hey, it’s Eddie. I know I’m on Bucks phone, I’m sorry for the confusion”. Maddie picked up the phone, growing more concerned, “Eddie? What happened? Is everything okay? I heard the 118 isn’t taking any calls.” Eddie looked down at his shoes, “Buck came in this morning, and Maddie, something happened but he won’t talk to Hen or Chim. After I hang up with you I’m going to go try. I thought you should be here, and that you would want to know.” Eddie said calmly, and Maddie immediately nodded,” I’m on my way” she said and hung up. Eddie didn’t tell her about the whip mark. She didn’t need that concern while she was driving there. She would find out, in due time. 

Eddie walked back up the stairs, Buck’s phone in hand. He went and knocked on the door softly, “Buck? Buck, it’s me, it’s Eddie. Please let me in, I just want to help you. I know the thought might be scary right now, but I think you need us. So please,” Eddie pleaded knowing it probably was not going to get him anywhere. Eddie started to tear up, “Buck, baby, please open the door.” He begged “Buck please let me in, please..” He started to trail off. 

Athena came behind him and rested her hand on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie glanced at her and nodded, “I love you, Buck”, Eddie whispered softly and turned leaving Athena to give it a shot. Athena rested her head on the door frame and tried a different approach, “Buck, I know you have paper in there. Will you write down for me who you’ll unlock the door for?” she tried. She heard some rustling, and sure enough a paper was slid under the door. All it read was a shaky ‘B’, as if that was all the energy the poor boy could summon up to write it down. Athena picked up the paper, grabbed buck’s phone out of Eddie’s hands and handed them to Bobby, “I guess I should have been the first to try. I should’ve known he would talk to me. After all, I was the biggest support after the ladder truck fell on him..” He trailed off and nodded, starting to walk towards the door. 

The group heard the door unlock as Bobby’s footsteps carried on the floor as he reached the bunk room where buck was hiding. He slowly opened the door and found Buck curled up in a ball under the lowest bed. Bobby’s heart shattered, and he slowly closed the door behind him. He set the phone and the piece of paper down on the bed, and laid on his stomach on the floor. He kept some distance between him and Buck, who wasn’t looking at him. “Hey, Buck” Bobby said softly “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly. Buck shook his head no, and curled up tighter in the ball. Bobby nodded and sighed softly, “Okay, is it okay if I talk?” he asked. Buck nodded slowly. Bobby nodded and started, “So today, today started as a good day. We didn’t have any of those annoying 5 AM calls, and Athena joined us for breakfast. We were just about to eat when you came in here. I would ask if you would eat for me, but I think the answer to that is no, so I’ll move on. Athena has been really great lately. Incredibly supportive, and all around amazing. She’s really worried about you, Buck. We all are. Now I get you don’t want to talk, and you don’t have to talk. But can you answer one question for me to start?” Buck nodded with a small shrug. “Buck, why did you come in today? From the way it sounds you’re injured, so you shouldn’t be working anyways.” Bobby tried to get the boy to talk. Buck looked at Bobby, then quickly looked back down then softly spoke, “I didn’t……” he trailed off and there were a few moments of quiet between them. “I didn’t want to get in trouble” he said softly. “Why would you be in trouble, Buck?” Bobby asked, a concerned look on his face. “Will you come out?” he followed up with quickly. Buck slowly started to crawl out from under the bed, and Bobby moved over so Buck would have room. Buck sat next to Bobby. Buck had a red mark around his neck as well, which was barely noticeable under the collared shirt. “I didn’t want to get in trouble for taking more time off. I thought I could make it through a day. Then Chim saw my back and started asking questions I couldn’t answer..” He again trailed off. Bobby looked at him then focus on the wall across the room. “Do you want a hug?” Bobby offered, Buck shook his head no and just looked down at his hands. “Buck, who hurt you?” Bobby asked softly, “you’re not in trouble” he added. “A group of these guys,” he said looking down at his hands. Buck rested his head on Bobby’s shoulder and sighed quietly. Buck kept talking, soft, slow, hesitant to tell everything. But he knew he could trust Bobby, and Bobby would help him as best as he could. 

As Buck started telling Bobby what had happened, Maddie pulled into the station. Maddie ran up the stairs and saw the group. They were still surrounding the kitchen island, “What happened? Where is my brother?!” She said frantically, her eyes darting from Chim to Eddie to Hen and Athena. Eddie stepped out around the island. He knew how to give people bad news, but he never thought he would have to tell the sister of his fiancé what had happened. He hadn’t even known. Eddie pulled Maddie gently to the couch and sat down next to her, “Maddie, Chim saw a whip wound on Bucks back, and when he asked about it Buck shut down. He raced up here, ran away from me, and into the bunk room where he is now, with Bobby.” Maddie nodded slowly. Okay, she could handle this. He was with Bobby, so she knew he would be okay. She took a second to process everything and nodded, getting up. “Buck likes food, we should try to get him to eat when they come out—can we order Chinese food?” She offered, “I’m not sure what place is the best and closest, so can one of you guys order?” She asked, again her eyes bouncing from person to person. “I think that’s a great idea,” Hen offered and said she would call and order then go get everything. 

~ 

Hen rolled back in with the food about three minutes before Buck and Bobby came out. Buck made a B-line for Eddie and pulled Eddie into a massive hug. “I love you too” Buck whispered softly and nuzzled his head into Eddies chest. Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s back and held him close. Eddie’s heart sank. He finally noticed the choke mark on bucks neck, and another bruise on both his wrists. Eddie held him close, he never ever wanted to let go again. Buck cringed slightly at the touch and held on for dear life. He reached out an arm and pulled in Maddie. Buck had filled in Bobby and asked him not to answer everyone’s questions, at least not yet. He would tell them in due time, he just needed to get used to everyone and everything again. Maddie reached up and ruffled her hands through Buck’s hair and smiled softly, “we got you Chinese food if you feel up for it” she offered Buck a pleading look and Buck nodded, breaking his hug with Eddie, which made Eddie nervous. 

Buck went and sat at the table and offered up, “Come on all! Let’s feast!” He said smiling softly. He was good at compartmentalizing and pushing everything down. He was good at pretending everything was okay, even if everyone else knew it wasn’t okay. Eddie sat next to him, and Bobby sat at the head of the table and everyone else filled in the rest of the seats. Hen and Chim exchanged confused looks and they both shrugged and started eating. “Athena,” Buck started to say and glanced at her, “I’m going to need your help after we finish eating.” Athena looked up and could tell that Buck didn’t want to push it, so she knew not to ask questions, “Of course, Buckaroo”. She said with a warm smile and looked to Bobby, puzzled. The table fell silent, as the group started to eat. Eddie and the rest kept glancing to Buck to make sure he was okay. He was out, he was eating, and they could see him. For now, everything was okay. 

All of the thoughts racing through Eddie’s mind were too much. They were a lot. He was barely eating; he was so worried about Buck. He tried to calm himself down, he knew Buck needed to be the “in control man” as Bobby had put it when he learned of the fighting ring. Damn, Eddie wanted to hit something right about now. He would settle for just a punching bag, but Eddie still had every bad scenario running through his mind. Eddie was so mad at himself for not noticing, anything. He missed all the signs. He had been too busy pulling extra shifts to notice something bad had happened, and he missed it. 

Almost as if Buck could hear Eddies thoughts, he looked at him, “Hey,” He whispered, pulling Eddies face to look at him, “It’s not your fault, there’s nothing you could have done at all.” He said softly, Eddie went to argue but Buck shut him down immediately, “Eddie. My love, this is not your fault.” He said calmly and looked at him right in the eyes. Bobby’s cell phone started to ring, he got up and stepped out. He came back about a minute later and told the team to gear up. There was a five-alarm fire downtown, and they needed all hands-on deck, “Not you Buck!” Bobby called as they were heading downstairs. Buck sighed and agreed. “Fine!” He yelled back, pulling Eddie in for a kiss. “Go, be safe, don’t get dead and don’t get burned on me”. Eddie hated the idea of leaving Buck right now, but he knew Maddie and Athena would take good care of him. The team geared up and Athena, Buck, and Maddie watched as the engines rolled out. Athena turned to Buck, “wanna fill me in now?” she asked and looked at him. “I need to go to the station and make a statement…. Will you both go with me?” Buck asked and his eyes darted back and forth. “Of course” Both Maddie and Athena said in perfect harmony. Athena was supposed to be off duty today, but she didn’t mind helping out Buck. Not in the slightest. Athena pulled him gently into a hug, slowly so he could pull back if he wanted to. Buck hugged Athena back and held on for a little while. When he finally decided to let go, the trio made their way to the station, after Buck grabbed the clothes he was wearing yesterday. 

Maddie sat in the back seat with Buck, and they let Athena drive them to the station. When they got there Athena and Buck went back to talk with a detective, but they wouldn’t allow Maddie back. Buck told them all about the events of the previous day and night, and then they did a full physical exam with photos and DNA kits, the works. The process took the rest of the day, and it took a while. Buck was entirely worn out by time they got back to the station. “Hey, Athena, could you drop me off at Eddie’s place?” He asked softly. He was in no rush to go home. Not after the nightmare he had had. Athena nodded, “Of course.” She looked to Maddie, “this is your stop then my dear,” she said softly and unlocked the doors. Maddie pulled Buck into a hug, and held him close. “You be careful, and tell me when you’re ready, okay?” She asked softly and Buck nodded. They both got out of the car and Buck gave her one final hug. “I love you Mads” he said and ruffled her hair a little. Buck climbed into the passenger seat and Athena and Buck drove to Eddie’s. 

Buck glanced to Athena, “is it my fault?” he asked her softly. “Buck, no. Nothing that happened in the last 48 hours was your fault. None of it, you were at home, with locked doors. You couldn’t have known anything was about to happen.” Athena tried to be as convincing as she could, but she knew it was going to take a lot before it got through to Buck that he did nothing wrong. “Buck, I love you like a son, and so does Bobby, if you need anything, anything at all you call either one of us, okay?” She glanced at him then focused back on the road as they pulled up to Eddies house. She parked and Buck sat still for a little bit. “Thank you, for today...” Buck started to say and trailed off. “Of course, Buck, I’m always here for you. Just ask” she said. Buck reached over the middle console and gave Athena a big hug and got out of the car walking into Eddie’s house. It was late, and Christopher was sound asleep. He gave Carla a hug and told her she could go. Buck went upstairs and waited for Eddie to come home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena, Bobby, and the rest of the team begin to realize that things won't be the same for a while. They work towards being okay, and lean on each other greatly for support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! if you have any comments please feel free to share.

Athena was the first one to get home after dropping Buck off at Eddie’s home. She walked down the stairs and didn’t make it past the last step before she dropped to her knees letting out a sob. Harry was with Michael, however May was home. When she heard the commotion, she raced out of her room to comfort her mom until Bobby got home. “Mom? What happened? I thought you were off today then you were out all day—I was worried” May trailed off, holding her sobbing mother close. May never saw her mom like this. Not after Michael’s diagnosis, not after Bobby was in the hospital- never. May sat down and pulled Athena closer, stroking her hair in a comforting manner. “What ever it is, it will be okay, mamma I promise” She cooed softly, trying to help her mom best she knew how. Athena couldn’t find the words to explain what had happened, that someone broke into Bucks apartment and hurt him so much. She just held onto May, and let herself cry, and feel all of the emotions coursing through her veins.

When Bobby came home to find May holding Athena, he dropped his bag and ran down the stairs. He sat next to May pulling her into his arms, along with Athena. “shhhh…” he said calmly rubbing Athena’s shoulders. “I got you. We’re okay. We’re all okay” he said and held onto both of his girls. May was still confused, but didn’t question anything. Athena sobbed now into Bobby’s shoulder, “They hurt him, Bobby, they broke him” Athena sobbed. May’s eyes widened in fear and she looked to Bobby for some sort of explanation. Bobby saw the mortified look on May’s face and gave her a calming smile and took her hand in his. “Your mom and I had a rough day.. Some people, some bad people, hurt Buck, and it’s been a long day..” Bobby trailed off quietly. 

May nodded, and rested her head on Bobby’s other shoulder, still holding her mom’s hand and Bobby’s with her other hand. She wanted to help them, and right now, all they needed was comfort. She knew that was all she could offer them right now. She wanted them to know that she was here, she had them, and she would help in any way they could. But they knew that already. May’s mind began to wander. She couldn’t imagine what had to have happened to Buck to warrant this kind of response from her mom. It had to have been incredibly bad. May knew Buck wasn’t okay, but she wanted to find out more, but she didn’t want to press the matter. 

Athena was starting to calm down. She was listening to Bobby’s heart rate, and it was calming her own. She tried to talk, but Bobby just whispered, “I know, it’s okay, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere” over and over again. Bobby held May and Athena close, he was thankful he had them to come home to every night. They were truly amazing, and he loved them with all his heart. He loved Buck too. He had managed to pull off a good “Guy in control” all day today. That five-alarm fire was incredibly rough and draining on the team. “Hey, how about we do waffles for dinner?” Bobby offered up, he knew it was both May and Athena’s favorite dinner. Both May and Athena nodded. Bobby waited a little while longer until Athena’s sobs had stopped, and her breathing returned to normal. “Come on love, let’s get up”. May was the first to get up, she bolted back to her room to text Buck, ‘Hey, I don’t know what happened, but I’m here for you. If you need anything, call. I love you big bro’ and she hit send. 

By the time she got back downstairs, both Bobby and Athena were up. Athena had a martini in her hand, a step up from her usual glass of red wine, and Bobby was in the kitchen getting dinner started. “Hey May, have you given any more thought to USC?” Bobby asked, he was genuinely curious but it would also distract Athena which was a bonus. May smiled, “Actually…. Yes, yes I have. Mom, you’re going to need to buy me a whole new wardrobe because I committed to USC!” she said and smiled hugely. She had actually committed earlier that day, and had already told Michael. She knew it was important to tell her mom in person, that’s why she wasn’t with her dad and Harry, and she was thankful she was here tonight to help. Athena was mid sip when May announced it, and nearly choked on her martini. She had the biggest smile on her face and got up pulling May into a big hug, “May that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you baby!!” Athena was completely over the moon. She really enjoyed her time at USC and knew May would love it. She smiled and sat back down. “May that is incredible!” Bobby said with the hugest, biggest smile. He was so glad to be her step-dad. May was a remarkable, strong kid, and took after her mom in so many ways. He walked over and joined the group hug. Today had been a rough day, but he was so glad they could make tonight a good night. 

Bobby stayed in the hug for a little while, then went back to making dinner for the three of them. He asked May to set the table, and put on some music which she did happily. After the table was set and the music was on her and Athena danced around the living room. Both May and Bobby had an unspoken agreement to keep Athena out of her own head, a place which was very not safe at the moment. 

Bobby, May, and Athena sat down to eat dinner when Bobby got a call from Hen and Chim. They were together, along with Maddie just trying to figure out a way to help Buck. Bobby threw the call on mute and asked Athena if she was okay with inviting the three of them over. Athena agreed and Bobby picked the call back up telling them to come on over. 

Before long, Hen, Chim and Maddie knocked on the Grant-Nash door and May opened up pulling each of them into a hug before they had a chance to slip past her. Maddie held the hug a little longer than the rest of them, which May didn’t mind. “we have a tough job, you and I” Maddie whispered to May. May looked slightly confused, “How so?” she asked Maddie, concerned. “We’re the older sisters, it’s not an easy feat.” May and Maddie both smiled, and gave each other another short hug. Bobby gave each of them a hug as they came in, along with Athena. 

“How is everyone holding up?” Bobby asked, grabbing Hen and Maddie glasses of Red wine, and passing Chim a beer. Bobby had filled in Hen and Chim before they left the station, and Chim had filled in Maddie. Buck had told Bobby that he would tell Eddie, and Bobby respected that. Hen was surprisingly the first one to answer. She looked at bobby, and straight out said, “heartbroken” and took a sip of wine with a nodding in thanks. Chim nodded, agreeing with Hen, and Maddie spoke up, “I just don’t understand why this keeps happening to my brother.” She said being perfectly candid. “I just don’t get it. He’s been through hell. Arguably more trauma than me, and I’m his older sister. But I can’t protect him. I don’t know what to do, or how to help.. and it really is heartbreaking, and soul crushing.” 

May listened as Maddie went on, and walked over sitting next to her. She took a hand of Maddie’s, and gave an ever-present, ‘i’m here for you’ feeling. Maddie glanced at May and offered her a soft smile. “When did you grow up so much?” Maddie asked, and the notion was seconded by everyone else. May smiled and replied, “I know if something happened to me, you would all be here… I just want to repay the favor even if I haven’t needed to cash in yet” she said and offered some more, “I’m here for all of you, just like all of you have been here for me and my family, especially with my dad being sick” She said and sipped on her diet coke. Athena gave May the proudest smile she has ever given anyone. She was so proud May grew up the way she did, and she loved her immensely. “Did you know that my baby is going to be a freshman at USC next year???” Athena chanted loudly, proudly, and boldly. A ton of congratulatory screams, and hugs made their way to May, who had earned every last ounce of glory being thrown her way. 

The group was starting to heal. They took the night and talked about all of their feelings. Sharing in the pain, and sorrow. Mourning the loss of Buck 2.0 but looking forward to see how he was going to rebuild himself. They knew it would be better than ever, and they would be right there waiting for him when he was ready to let them in. 

The group talked, and drank the night away. They had devised a plan to help Buck, and decided that they needed a distraction. So they drank, talked, danced, and enjoyed each others company all night. It had turned into a very good night, just like Bobby had hoped it would be. The day was bad, hell even, but the night, well, the night was… okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter, I thought it would be fun to give May a larger role since she has grown up so much in the show. Thank you for giving it a read!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning!! This chapter references rape, with some depictions. It talks about bruises, nightmares, and reactions to trauma. If this may be triggering, skip this chapter. Take care of yourselves, loves. 
> 
> Buck finally opens up to Eddie and we learned what actually happened to him.

Eddie made it home to an almost silent house. The only noise he could hear as he opened the door was the sound of the shower running. Eddie dropped his duffle bag, grabbed two glasses of water and slowly made his way upstairs. He checked on Christopher who was sound asleep in his room then made his way to the master bedroom. “Buck?” he called out gently, slowly opening the bathroom door. 

Eddie peeked around the door to find his fiancé curled up in a ball, trembling on the floor of the bathroom tub. Buck had his head between his legs and his hands wrapped around his neck. Eddie knelt down next to the tub, and slowly pulled the shower curtain back. “Hey, Buck? You here?” He asked softly. “Baby, can you hear me?” he asked again when Buck didn’t acknowledge him. “Buck if you’re listening just move anything, just a little.” Buck moved his arm slowly, exposing more bruises on his ribs and torso to Eddie. Eddies heart dropped. “Buck, baby, how long have you been home?” Buck shrugged gently. “C-Chris was asleep when I got here” he mumbled so low it took Eddie a second to process what he was saying. Eddie nodded, “Okay love. How long have you been in the shower? The waters really cold..” He said softly, again Buck shrugged but didn’t follow it up with words. He winced each time he shrugged as it made him move his sore muscles. “Can I turn the water off, mi amour?” He asked, when Eddie spoke anything in Spanish it normally pulled a response out of Buck, but not today. Today, Buck shut down. But he shook his head no and started trembling. He had honestly gone numb to the temperature of the water. 

Eddie sighed softly and got up. He went and grabbed Buck’s favorite pair of Eddie’s sweatpants, and his favorite t-shirt, and a fresh pair of boxers. He came back setting the clothes on the sink counter. “My love, can you stand up for me? I want to check the bruises,” Eddie said softly, trying to not to push Buck. Afterall, he still didn’t fully know what happened. Buck nodded softly and got up. He winced, and accepted Eddies help to get him up. Most of all of the bathroom products had fallen to the ground, and the shower curtain was torn. Eddie assumed Buck fell, and that’s how he ended up on the floor curled into the fetal position. 

Buck had one massive whip lash on his back, one on his right thigh stretching down to his calf. His ribs were bruised, his neck had gotten darker since Eddie saw him at the station. Buck’s bottom was completely purple, and the bruising got darker as it got closer to his front. He had some smaller whip lashes that weren’t as deep, or as red as the two major ones. Buck’s wrists and ankles were also cut up, and red presumably from handcuffs and rope. What ever happened, it was painful, and traumatizing. 

Eddie’s heart broke as he took in the sight that was his fiancé. His heart broke, and he couldn’t hide it anymore. He managed to get Buck out of the tub, and slowly started to dry him off. Buck started shivering, and Eddie made quick work and got Buck dressed, and grabbed him a hoodie. “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Eddie said softly. Buck went to stand, but almost fell. His muscles were too strained and couldn’t support his own weight. Eddie picked him up and carried him to bed. Eddie sat down and held Buck in his arms, rocking back and forth gently. Eddie pulled the fuzzy blanket up over both of them, and continued to rock as Buck hid his face in Eddie’s neck. “I’m sorry if I upset you, when I didn’t let you in” he whispered. He had felt guilty about that all day. “Baby, it’s okay, don’t worry about that.” He said softly running his hands through Bucks hair. 

About an hour had passed, and Eddie was still rocking and soothing Buck. “Baby…. What happened?” his voice was shaky. He didn’t want to cause any panic inside of Buck, but he needed to know. He needed to know who on earth hurt Buck so much. 

Buck looked up at Eddie and slowly moved so he was facing him. “I need you to promise me something,” Buck started, slowly. “Anything,” Eddie said quickly. “You can’t go looking for them, and find them, and go all military on them” Eddie nodded, Buck’s request was reasonable, and he knew it was for the best, “I promise... fill me in?” he pleaded softly. Buck nodded. 

Buck slowly started to explain how two days ago, he had gone hiking with Maddie. When he got back to his apartment, he walked into a group of guys. They ambushed him, and took him totally by surprise. He explained how for those two days, they tied him up, raped and tortured him. That is until this morning when they were forced to let him go because if they didn’t, the 118 would have come looking for him. Buck’s voice grew shakier, “every time I would get a text, or a call, I would have to answer and pretend everything was fine... they threatened Maddie, and the whip marks are because I tried to fight...” He trailed off looking down and let out a soft sob, “It was bad, Eddie... it was so bad... I thought I could power through today. Then Chim started questioning me, and they were questions I didn’t know how to answer, because how do you tell one of your best friends that you were raped? That strangers broke into your home and abused you?” by now Buck was sobbing and shaking. He was completely breaking down. 

Eddie to listened to every word that came out of Bucks mouth and listened to what he was saying between the lines as well. By the end, he pulled Buck into his arms and started rocking again, stroking his hair. “You’re okay, You’re safe now. I have you. No one is going to hurt you, not here, not while you’re with me” Eddie kept whispering to Buck until the sobs slowed down, and his breathing evened out and Eddie knew he was asleep. 

Eddie was left with his own thoughts. How had this happened? Was Buck a random hit? Was this some sort of revenge plot? If so, who had targeted him? Eddie found some comfort in knowing that Buck wasn’t alone anymore, it wasn’t like it had been with the lawsuit where Buck had no one, not even him. Eddie kept rocking even after Buck fell asleep, at this point it was comforting for Eddie as well as the sleeping Buckaroo in his arms. Eddie grabbed his phone once he was sure Buck was out cold and gave Bobby a phone call. 

“Eddie? Is everything okay??” Bobby’s voiced was concerned and sounded drained. Today had taken a big toll on him, but he was Mr. Calm, cool, and collected today. He was everyone’s support system, even though he desperately wanted a drink. 

Eddie was close to sobs, but he knew he had to stay strong for Buck, “How do I remain in control, Bobby? They hurt him, so much. Have you seen all of the bruises? It’s so so bad, Bobby. I don’t know what to do. He was in so much pain, and I didn’t catch it. I was too busy trying to get more money, so I was picking up extra shifts and I had a match….” Eddie trailed off and slowly started connecting the dots. “Oh god…” Eddie murmured softly, “What if...” 

Bobby was putting the pieces together as Eddie was, “Eddie, stop. This was not your fault. There is nothing connecting the fight ring to this, or you. Stop. We will be talking about you fighting again later, but now you need to focus on Buck. If you believe that it will be okay, and that he will be okay, he will follow you. So, if you need to break down, then do it, but not when he can see or hear. Eddie, he loves you so beyond much. You two are a match made in heaven, you both just have to get through this. You will both be okay, soon enough, this too shall pass. Eddie Diaz, you can and you will do this.” Bobby said strongly, he wasn’t taking any arguments whatsoever. Eddie nodded, “Thanks Bobby, goodnight” and they hung up the phone. 

Buck slept for about an hour, before he started to whimper, and cringe in his sleep. His breath caught in his throat and he shook awake letting out a soft scream as he looked around the room panicked. Before he could make sense of what was what, Eddie had him back in his arms, whispering that it was okay, that he was there and petting Bucks hair. “shhhhhh, baby I got you, you’re safe now. I’m here, it’s okay, you are okay. You’re safe now.” Eddie whispered softly as Buck nuzzled his head into Eddies chest and started sobbing again. His cries were muffled by Eddie’s shirt, and Buck clung to him for dear life. Eddie held him and kept him close. “I love you; I love you so much, you are my greatest blessing, and I will never, ever let you go again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, leave some feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Eddie make it through their first day together with the help of come recruits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses a little more in on Buck's PTSD, and how you can go from being fine one moment, to shut down the next.

Buck stirred awake, temporarily forgetting he was at Eddie’s house. He whimpered and cringed away from his fiancé’s arms. Buck got up and ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him. Eddie awoke to the sound of the door and panicked, “Buck? Baby? What’s wrong?” He got up and ran to the door. He went to open it, and it was locked. God, Buck has to stop doing this to him. “Buck?! Let me in!” Eddie pleaded, banging on the door. He heard the water to the shower turn on. Okay, Eddie could deal with Buck taking a shower. He slowly slid down and sat on his side of the bathroom door. He waited about five minutes before he heard a thud. Eddie panicked, standing up. “Buck! Let me in!! Buck?!” He yelled, panicked. He didn’t have a key for the lock, and he sucked at picking locks. 

Eddie backed up and kicked the door firmly right next to the door knob. He was at least good at that. The door slammed open with a loud bang, and Eddie ran over to the bath tub where Buck was, curled up in a ball shaking again. Eddie sighed softly and reached out to touch Buck but he winced away. He was crying, and shaking, clearly mortified “d-don’t hurt me,” Buck pleaded. “P-please...” he begged softly. 

“Buck, baby. It’s me, it’s Eddie. You’re safe now. No one is going to hurt you” he said soothing Buck. Buck looked up as everything snapped back into place. Buck lept forward, wrapping his arms around Eddie, falling out of the tub and knocking them both back on the floor with a thud. Buck burrowed his face in Eddie’s neck and sobbed. His entire body shook with each sob, and he clung to Eddie for dear life. 

Eddie was startled by being knocked backwards, but he didn’t mind at all. He wrapped his arms around buck and stroked his hair. “Shhh” Eddie whispered softly. “Eddie....” Buck whimpered softly “shhhh, it’s okay. You’re safe now. They’re not going to hurt you, I promise” Eddie whispered, hating the people who did this to the man he loved. When Buck finally calmed down a little, Eddie got up and picked up Buck up, carrying him back to bed. Eddie kind of assumed Buck would be back in the shower before dawn, so he didn’t try to get him dressed again. He just pulled the blankets up over them and held him close. 

Buck continued to cry in Eddie’s arms for a while. The time passed by slowly, very slowly. Eddie and Buck both fell back to sleep curled up in each other’s arms. Eddie woke up before the alarm clock because Buck was shivering and whimpering softly. Eddie knew Buck was in for a wild battle with PTSD symptoms presenting themselves already. He would be there, for the long haul. Through all of it. Eddie wasn’t going to leave Buck’s side. 

Eddie’s thoughts started to wander. He had to tell Christopher that someone had hurt their Bucky. How was he supposed to do that? He didn’t do it before school, right? It seemed unfair to hide such a thing, however he did not want Chris so focused on Buck he wouldn’t be able to focus on school. 

Eddie slowly got up, waking Buck up immediately. Buck gave him pleading eyes, begging him not to leave. “I have to get Chris to school mi amour, go back to sleep. I’ll be back before you know it” he said and lovingly kissed Buck’s forehead, holding it for a few minutes. The thought of letting Buck out of his sight was unbearable, but Buck knew Eddie had to go, just as much as Eddie knew Buck would be okay. 

Eddie went and got Chris up, and Buck checked his phone. He saw the text message from May, and it put a huge grin on his face. The first one in what felt like years. ‘You’re a good kid, May. Have fun at school~big bro’ he texted back and hit send. Buck slowly got up and went to the bathroom. He turned on the lights, and stripped down. He wanted to see the bruises for himself. The medical people who did the exam yesterday weren’t worried about how dark the bruises were on him, but he was convinced they were getting darker, which meant he was could still be actively bleeding. He was sure it was nothing, but he planned to ask Eddie when he got back. 

Buck made sure to be quiet, knowing Chris didn’t know Buck was here and any noise would give it away. Buck continued checking out the damage that had been done. The whip lash on his back was gruesome, however it looked worse than it hurt and Buck was thankful for that. He would need Eddie to put on antibiotic cream for him because he couldn’t reach. But the one on his leg and calf he could take care of easily. He grabbed the ointment and gauze, and applied it to the wound, wincing ever so faintly. He wrapped the lash up with the gauze and smiled softly. He went back into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of charcoal black joggers, and went back to the bathroom. He knelt down and began picking up the stuff that he had knocked over in the shower last night when he fell. He also grabbed the spare shower curtain. He slowly started to take the current one down, but half way through he had to sit down because it simply hurt too much. He sighed, frustrated. He just wanted to start to get back to normal but he couldn’t. At least not yet. 

Eddie got Chris in the car with Carla who had agreed to take Chris to school. Eddie went back inside and ran up the stair to get back to Buck, “What do we have here?” he asked turning into the bathroom to find Buck crying again. “Hey, what happened?” he asked sitting down next to Buck. Buck rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder, calming himself down before he started to talk. “I tried to get the shower curtain hung back up, but it didn’t work because it’s ripped. So I tried to take It down but the stretching pulled on my back and it hurt a lot,” Buck whispered, staring at the ground feeling very defeated. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I can do it, not a problem,” Eddie offered Buck a comforting smile, “My love, look at me,” Eddie said gently pulling Buck’s chin up so their eyes were interlocked together. “You, are going to be okay. You are safe, you have one hell of a support system, you are loved, you have an amazing fiancé, if I do say so myself” he grinned faintly, “and you have one amazing son who is going to devour you in smiles, and hugs, and cuddles.” Eddie smiled softly. Buck stared into Eddies eyes, getting lost in a trance. He was half listening, half not listening. He cupped Eddie’s cheeks in his hands, and slowly, gently pecked his lips and pulled back quickly. Eddie searched Buck’s featured for any expression of what just happened. “What happened there love? Any flashbacks? Is that a trigger?” Eddie asked softly “I’m not going to be upset, I just want to know, so I know what’s okay and what you need time for..” He added, still searching Bucks features. Buck slowly looked back at Eddie, lifted his chin ever so gently with his index finger, and kissed him again. This time with a little more passion, and a little more meaning. Eddie gave back exactly what Buck gave, being careful not to push him. 

Before Eddie had realized what was going on, Eddie had a lap full of Buck. Buck had moved to straddle Eddie, without breaking their lips. Eddie pulled back, gently pushing his hand up against Buck’s chest, “Evan…” Eddie whispered softly. Buck cringed at the name and looked wore a concerned, hurt and worried look all over his face. “W-w-what did I do wrong?” he asked softly, getting off Eddie’s lap. Eddie put his arm up to block him from moving. “I just don’t want to go too fast and trigger something that sets you back mi amour.” He whispered softly, gently pulling Buck back close and let the words linger. He kissed Buck again softly, and Buck pulled back abruptly. “Like that,” Eddie whispers, running his hand through Buck’s hair. “It’s okay my love, I know” Buck looked down and shielded his eyes from Eddie. 

Buck got off Eddie’s lap and went and sat on a bench that was apart of the master bath. “I-I need you to patch up my back,” Buck pleaded softly motioning towards the ointment and gauze. “Of course,” Eddie said and grabbed the stuff along with a pair of gloves. Eddie sat behind Buck, pulling the gloved on and slowly started applying the ointment. “Eddie?” Buck asked softly, “Do you think the bruises look worse than yesterday? Could they still be bleeding?” Buck asked softly. Eddie looked puzzled but kept his voice even, “How about we give Chim a call and ask him?” Eddie offered up. Buck nodded in agreement. He would be up to seeing some people today, and it saved him a trip to the hospital until they knew. 

Eddie started to wrap the gauze around Bucks torso, making sure the lash was fully covered. This also gave Buck’s ribs some additional support. “Done!” Eddie said with a smile, trying to relax Buck. Buck leaned back into Eddie and nuzzled into his chest. “can we go back to bed for a little while?” Buck asked with a small yawn as he was still exhausted. Eddie nodded, helped Buck sit up, and helped him back to bed. Buck laid down on his stomach, and was out cold within seconds of hitting the bed. Eddie smiled softly, happy Buck was finally getting some much needed rest. 

Eddie headed toward the bathroom, getting the rest of the old shower curtain down and the new one up. He cleaned the bathroom a little, and got some laundry thrown in. He gave Chim a call and told him and Maddie they were welcome to stop by. He told them to just come in seeing as Buck was asleep and he knew a knock or doorbell would wake him. He had a hunch they would get there before he woke up, but he wasn’t positive. Eddie went into Chris’s room and grabbed the baby monitor he normally uses to track Chris’s nightmares. He sets it on the table next to Buck, and heads down stairs with the other one. He didn’t want to be too far incase Buck had a nightmare and needed him back upstairs. 

Eddie was a stress cleaner, and baker. So he started making a cake from scratch when Maddie and Chimney came in. “Eddie?” Maddie called softly, “Kitchen!” Eddie replied. The couple walked in to see Eddie whisking the batter together. “What are you up to…?” Maddie questioned and Chim offered Eddie a smile, “Hey Eddie”. “Baking, hey Chim!” Eddie replied and poured the batter into the cake pan. “Eddie, I can see that, but why?” Maddie inquired further. Chim wrapped his arm around her waist, trying to get her to back off, but Maddie persisted. “Why aren’t you with my brother?” she pushed. 

Eddie threw the cake in the oven. “I’m baking because if I’m not doing something, I feel helpless. Buck got hurt, and I didn’t get to him in time. Now, if you look to your right you’ll see a baby monitor. Buck is asleep and I can monitor him from that, and if something goes wrong, I can get to him in under ten seconds. Do you want to question any of my other qualifications to take care of him?” Eddie inquired. He was aware he was being slightly rude; however, Eddie had spent the last eight years taking care of a child with CP and PTSD from the tsunami. He could handle Buck, and everyone in the station knew it. 

Maddie bit her lower lip, “No, no I guess not. I’m sorry. It’s just. He’s my brother, and I failed him too.” She said softly. She felt horrible and blamed herself. Everyone did, they all had every chance to check on him, but they never did. “You said he’s sleeping? That’s good….” Maddie trailed off. Eddie nodded, “It is good, he needs it, he was up most the night. He was rather upset, rightfully so. “Eddie spared Maddie the details. It would be up to Buck from now on who he toldand who he told it to. Eddie wanted to give Buck as much power back as possible. 

“So, Chimney, I think his bruises look darker, and he’s concerned that he’s still actively bleeding because of the blood thinners. He agreed that you could take a look, so when he wakes up will you?” Eddie asked looking to Chim for some help. Chim nodded, “of course,” he said softly, “though I’m sure it’s just the bruises naturally healing. So, let’s not panic, okay? Bruises tend to get darker before they start to heal.” Chimney said confidently, comforting both Maddie and Eddie. 

As if it were second instinct, Eddie bolted up the stairs. About the time he hit the top step Maddie and Chim could hear Buck groaning in pain in his sleep, and could hear his breathing pick up. Eddie was good. Very good. Eddie turned off the monitor upstairs and slowly pulled buck out of the nightmare. “Baby, it’s me. It’s Eddie, focus on me, you’re safe, you’re okay. Wake up my love,” He whispered on repeat until Buck’s eyes opened and he gasped clutching his throat trying to get air. Eddie pulled Buck into a hug and held him close. 

Buck took a few minutes to calm himself down, and hugged Eddie tightly. “I love you so much,” he whispered softly, “you are so amazing, and I am so lucky to have you” he whispered into his neck. Buck slowly got up, not bothering to put on a shirt. He and Eddie made their way down stairs and allowed Chimney to check the bruising. While Eddie pulled the cake out of the oven and put it in the fridge to cool. “Yep, I think these are just healing in their own due time. Take it easy, Buck. Okay?” Chim asked and pulled Buck into a hug, “You had me scared you know,” Chim whispered into Bucks ear. 

Everyone in the room was relieved that Buck was not still actively bleeding. Eddie and Buck both couldn’t handle another hospital stay. Eddie, Buck, Chim, and Maddie all sat down and played some games for a few hours before Buck got very evidently worn out again. Buck excused himself to go lay down on the couch, once again leaving Eddie, Chim and Maddie alone together. Eddie looked at Chim then glanced at Maddie, “Maddie, please don’t take offense to this. And please feel free to chime in, but Chim, do you have any advice?” Eddie asked softly regarding they uphill battle he and Buck have in front of them. “Of course, I wouldn’t take offense to that,” Maddie offered a reassuring smile. She was actually curious to hear Chim’s answer, after all he had just helped her through post- Doug. Chimney looked at Eddie and thought for a moment. “The biggest piece of advice I could give you is don’t rush, let Buck do what he wants to do in his time. And remember that however hard this is for you; it is at least 20 times as hard on Buck. Let him steer the ship if you will.” Chim said and smiled. Maddie took his hand and gently kissed him. 

“The biggest thing you can do for Buck is be there, Eddie. Let him steer the ship like Chim said. But make sure you’re taking care of yourself, too. Your role just changed from the equal partner to the caretaker, and his biggest support for a little. Make sure you’re sleeping and eating when you can. And call in reinforcements when you need them” Maddie chimed in, offering some more advice to Eddie. Eddie smiled warmly, “Thank you” he said, “Now with all due respect, I think I’m going to get some sleep before Buck gets up. Thank you both for coming, I’ll let you know how he’s doing as I have updates, okay?” he asked gently. 

Maddie and Chim both smiled, getting up and making their way to the door. Maddie kissed the top of Buck’s head, “I love you baby brother” she whispered softly and the couple left. Eddie went and woke Buck up gently, “Come on Mi amour, let’s go lay down upstairs and get some actual sleep” He smiled softly and helped his love up the stairs. They cuddled up on the bed and they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I feel it was similar to the last one, however I wanted to try to capture that Buck is slowly getting worse while also taking steps to get better. Leave your feedback below! Thanks!


End file.
